ID CRISIS--TWO

ID CRISIS – II

By A.V.Dhanushkodi

No, it is not what you imagine it to be.  It is not the profound soul searching questions who am I, what am I, and where am I?  I am fully aware of who I am, what I am, and where I am.  My crisis is a very simple middle-class crisis.  It is just a question of others not knowing who I am, what I am, and where I am.  I think you are still not sure what I am talking about.  Let me explain with an example.

The queue was long, but I am a man of extraordinary patience, being an artist.  The counter was open, the tickets were being issued, and the queue moved forward like a millipede. 

Suddenly, a teenager materialized before me, like a stop-bloc action in a movie.  I almost knew what he would ask, “Sir, you acted in Raajapaarvai?”

Reluctantly, I replied, “Yes.”

He extended his hand enthusiastically, “Pleased to meet you Mr. Chandrahasan.”

I was peeved.  I did not extend my hand, “Sorry, I am not Chandrahasan.”

He was visibly embarrassed, “I am so sorry Sir.”  He stared at me for a few seconds, “Then you must be Mr. L.V. Prasad, surely.”  Again he thrust his hand out, this time hundred percent sure of his wild guess.

That was too much for me to take.  “Look here mister, I am not L.V. Prasad either.  By the way, who is L.V. Prasad?” I asked, to trap him.

“Sir, you don’t know Sri L.V. Prasad?  He is a great man, Sir.  A famous film producer and owner of Prasad Studios. This film was also produced by him, Sir.”  He looked very proud, as if he was one of L.V. Prasad’s close friends.

“Young man, do you think such a great man, a famous film producer and owner of Prasad Studios, who has produced this film, would stand in the queue to buy a ticket to see his own film?” I shot with some asperity.

He was shocked.  He had never thought of that.  Then, suddenly, it struck him, “Why not Sir?  He could be in disguise like you, beard and specks and all, to find out first hand what people thought of his film?”  He looked immensely pleased with himself, that he had excelled even Sherlock Holmes.

I thought for a few moments and realized that his line of reasoning was not improbable.  Then I laughed heartily and extended my hand, “You are absolutely right!  I am Sri L.V. Prasad!”

Horrified, he drew back his hand, “No, Sir, you are not Sri L.V. Prasad.”  He started backing away from me, eyes wide open with confusion and consternation.

“Are you sure?” I asked him seriously. 

Without a word, he turned around and bolted, as if he had seen an apparition.

Suddenly I realised I was at the counter.  I thrust a hundred rupee note through the opening and said, “One”.

The man at the counter jumped up and his dhoti slipped down, revealing his red-striped underwear.  He was shaking with excitement.  “Oh my God!  Sir, what is this?  One word, I would have myself brought the ticket to your house.”

I leaned forward, furtively looked around left and right, put my index finger on my lips and whispered in a conspiratorial voice, “Shhh…..calm down.  Don’t let anyone know  I am L.V. Prasad in disguise.”

“Oh…Oh…I see….I’m…I’m sorry I thought you were Charuhasan in disguise,” he stammered.

Not a bad idea I thought, and continued in the same conspiratorial voice, “In fact, I am really Charuhasan in disguise, but I did not want to give myself away so easily, so I was trying to mislead you.”

“That’s OK Sir, I understand,” he replied, nodding his head vigorously and gave me the ticket, but would not take the money. 

I took the ticket and the money, patted his hand patronisingly, and walked towards the auditorium.

A.V. Dhanushkodi

June 20, 2011